I think I am sinking into depression.

Self-wallowing pity. Shit, I don't know who's the real me now. Useless worry, spilling anger, the frightening tears. I am not even sure who to trust.

I miss those innocent days.
I miss their laughters.
I miss...myself.

Lunch at Roasters was fantastic.

Cheese with Marconi with jacket potato (OMG<3), Roasters homemade muffins, Ice chocolicious Milk and creamy mushroom soup for me. It was heavenly. I actually wanted to order the deserts and more more more beverages (there's this super cool looking + fantastically delicious) four seasons smoothies which seems sooooo nice. But the calories coutning got to me. ARGH. I cant seem to get rid of counting calories now. Every time I eat, there's this mini calculator going in my brain like a time bomb telling me I cant eat too much. (whatever I am weight-concious D:)

And I am obsessed with eaing nutella and milo powder. Like Ohmygod, what's wrong with me! I actually ate kueh with nutella (it tasted disgusting, trust me) and pizza with milo powder. And I stuffed milo powder with milk every morning, and okay, I saved the extra money to buy chocolate milk. IT tasted like one. And eating plain nutella for breakfast never fails to delight me and got me wanting for more. And now the huge nutella box only left a few miserable scoops (and i brought it last week only?!).

Eating so much sent me flying to the 2.8km park downstairs or the exercise bicycle in my house. Again, I am weight concious and ARGH, those guilty pleasures got me running and standing and dancing and prancing and freaked out. I am seriously mad D:

And tomorrow I am going out to eat sushi. Hoorays for my 14 years minus two month of living w/o eating sushi before. I ate takeaway sushi last month, so it isn counted.
plus adding up my eating of onigiris in school should be around another one month so there! Speaking of onigiris, I seriously miss the school's flossed onigiris. T.T

Okay, I shant be bothered with homework, but I think I will have a go with mugging chemistry now.

Boring Boring Boring. What's with the mega-long-awaited holidays turning out to beso boring?

Okay, except the going-outs parts. These few weeks had been a movie marathon for me. Angels and Demons twice, Night at the Musuem II, Dance Subaru (<3), Monsters VS Aliens. Dance Subaru is totally awesome, like seriously! I mean, the dance steps are super great, and the emotional scenes thugged at the heartstrings of people. Hahs, even wingy cried from watching the show, like woah, she didn mean to watch the show with me because I last minute dragged her there, hahaha. But I hyperventilated for a minute because of XXXX and all the songs lah. zzz.

Then Monsters VS Aliens yesterday with sectionmates ;DD We wanted to watched the 3D but it's too expensive w/o student price. >< And I got new earrings (cheapstake) and OMG, Alicia and Hannah bought me korean tibits for presents ;DDD Then mrt-ed home with Hannah and accidentally saw Regine who was on the same carriage and apparently I was too blind to notice her lol.

Back to boring holidays. Excluding the parts of movies watchings, I had done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for the holidays exept rotting on the computer with nothing to do. Like WHAT!? I promised myself that I will complete all my homework before the frist week of holidays end and all I did was nothing except putting on some weight because I stuffed too much food. Like ARGH. And I have no nice dramas to watch which sucks because I knew once the school term started, I will start going crazy over these 'not nice dramas' again. I suddenly wished I didn't finish rushing Boys Before Flowers. T.T

I think I had a pretty bad week. But it's gonna end soon, so no big deal.

Sabbacticals week sucks. To the core. Like seriously, what's with those horrible teachers? One gets bossy while the other sang gayishly. I really dun mind if I gt place into Bonsai you know! Heard it's really fun and bleh, I am getting jealous!

Chinese Lyrics is okay-ish. Just that all we do is listen to some stupid gay teacher and writing cheesy emo lyrics (quoted by ckf) and after that being called out by the teacher who will present our lyrics. Like WHAT! i totally fell asleep during first half of the lesson today.

Chemistry is fun with Mr Kuo, not that horrible woman who goes around telling people off for maming some tiny little mistakes. But today was cool! Because we got to like experiment with those drugs and stuffs! But I am seriously looking forward to tomorrow, FORENSIC SCIENCE! One of the many reasons I actually put Chemistry Everywhere as my first choice, ahaha. And also because it's the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL TOMORROW. and woah ;D

Okay, I am really yearning for the holidays now. Subaru with Nina on 31 may, batching outing on 19 june, band outing on 24 june, and most probably, best friends gathering someday! And I am kinda looking forward to CCA ;DDD

Yay-ness. I shall take back my words that holidays are boring. What's boring if you get to go out every single day!

Today is total awesomeness. <3

211 did not get last! i repeat, we did not get last for 4 x 100 relay! we got second last! hah! how good is that? IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME! cos all four of us gave it our best shot ;D Thank you to those who cheered me up before the race, I was really comforted. And the run was totally not tiring at all! I sprint to the end, and I really enjoy that awesome feeling again ;D And I gotta fangirl abit about SS501 too. I mean it's really a little bit! but fangirling is awesome too!

After that travelled to Vivo with mei an and sixian. And Vivo is reallly awesome! But I didn get to tour around the whole place, because after watching the movie it's already like 5 plus and we need to rush home T.T And what movie did we watch Angels and Demons which was like the most awesome movie I ever watched ;DD And I would probably watched The Da Vinci Code. Since it's the prequel to the awesome movie XD And I am so looking forward to "Night at the Musuem II" it's coming out tomorrow!

And and I finally get to play my brother's psp which is also totally awesome because the last time I mangaed to play it was last december which is like so long ago? ahahas. And awesome japanese drama "Atashinichi no Danshi" episode 5 just came out and the ending part to that episode was so cute and funny and awesome that I couldn't stop laughing!

Oh, plus I must say Sabbacticals week is NEXT WEEK and how awesome is that? I managed to get both my first choice course! ;DD

That's why I said today is totally awesome. Count how many awesomes appeared in my post XDD

Happy Happy week! Just ignore the SIAs and projects, and this might have been the best week of my life ;D

Okay so we all got back all our papers and seriously, I didn really get my hopes really high for those results since I didnt really put in an effort into paying attention to teachers and doing my homework. So getting many Bs is like so 理所当然. Ya but seriously, I didn know I had been so procrastinating so badly until I saw the marks of my daily assignments -.- Fail Fail Fail. I feel like laughing -.- So just keep the MSG below 3 then I'll be eternally thankful.

And CSM will be in 3 days time, and I am like so nervous and everything. It's like I really dont want to run on finals day D: Since I will never win anyways -.- but nvm! Joey MeiAn XinHui are really good runners so I must train hard too! But my legs arent cooperating. I hurt my thigh TWICE this week, and it's getting quite serious. Just yesterday after NAPFA, my legs were wobbling like jelly and I cant even keep my tuba straight up during band T.T HOW AM I GOING TO TRAIN! Maybe I should go swimming again.

I think I found a fiery passion in composing and lyrics. It's like whenever I got near the piano, random notes just came pouring out and I feel so refreshed even though I was really tired a few seconds ago. I think I shall grow up to be a musician ;DD then maybe I can write lyrics for DBSK or SS50! <333333

Oh, talking about SS501, it's like total addiction to me now. Because it's like I had already liked Kim Hyun Joong ever since Boys Before Flowers, but watching the videos that Nina told me to watch makes me love KyuJung HyungJoon YoungSaeng and Jung Min more and more and more and more!OMG especailly KyuJung♥. he's seriously too hot for words. Not that I am giving up my love for DBSK anyways.

And going out with friends is really nice and fun! And I finally get to go to JurongPoint ;DD It's super huge please, we tried finding CKF's frien for half an hour who's at MCdonald. >< I was like so damn hungry after that -.- And and, stupid mrt broke down at amk hub on wednesday, and I spend 2 hours wandering aimlessly trying to find a taxi or a bus. It's sardine packed, seriously. I ended up finishing my breakfast for thursday -.-

Okay, I am done. I got to finish my HOMEWORK which is like piling up to the ceiling.
~4CHANCE is the sexiest MV♥~

I haven't been touching my blog for quite a long time. Guess either I don't have the mood or I was just too tired.

School is tiring, amusing and amzing. Somehow, some days just make my day while others really got me slamming the doors once I got home.

I must say I feel really guilty. It's like, during lessons in the computer lab, all we do is faceboooking and playing nonsensical but amusing games like restaurant city. And I never pay attention in Chinese and Geography and all the work and projects are all rushed last minute. And I sleep in history T.T gaaaaaah. I don't like schools on these days.

But having Pe drama n music makes a different! hoho! i love pe nowadays. It's like we get to play volleyball and netball and we can laugh and have fun during team playing. Oh plus 8 rounds around the hall and I always zoom zoom zoom. waah. I feel damn rejuverated!

Oh, and CSM. our class got into 4 x 100m relay finals which is like on e CSM day itself?! which means no homework and slacking T.T and I am supposed to be last runner and got to compete with those fast fast trackers which makes my pride disappear since my standard had already drop to bottom pit le >< Oh I hope I won't cry on that day -.-

Okay, stupid projects, here I come.

Happy Birthday Ho Si Xian ;DDD
Funky Fourteen!!
And also to others who are April babies too yeahs! Especially to Naomie and WuYou <333

Anyways, today was a loooooooong day! but the best thing was i got alot of free food! like in them morning leanne gave me hello panda, then ms chen gave me oreo cos I went for chem supp during lunch, then home econs we got to taste others food ;DD heee. But the worst part was chinese exam -.- 2 hours of boring comprehension and I was chionging like hell in the front part. aiyaa D: WHATEVER.

And miracle miracle. I actually paid attention during GEOGRAPHY?! omg, I m amazed. It's like CKF and me were continuing that food story (;DD) during the lesson but my ears were still opened and I managed to take down some notes too! woah ;DD

Then piano recital. After school. Actually we didn't even plan to go, but waiting for ckf got the best of us, so we (sx ma me) just went there to listen. The person was uper good can, just that I dun really appreciate it heh heh. And And. After that the four of us hang out at J8, it's like there's no other place to go -.- And I finally got the second sequel to Marked! OMG. Betrayed <333 eek, House of Night is the best of the best! and it's only like $13!!!!! i thght i still need to go to malaysia to get the whole series! Then we actually saw Mrs Amy, shopping in G2000 woah.

Okay, I shan't go to details. I need to go sleep like NOW?!

Admit it. Kpop is superbly addictive. Nearly everyone I know love a kpop band or singer. And almost everyone loves a few of melodramas from korea.

Ranging frm oldschool song like 'Now' by FIN.K.L (they are really really good singers! Lee Hyo Ri[screams]) to ballads like 'Bolero' by DBSK; then to gayish song like "Making a lover" by SS501 or "Fight the Bad feeling" by T-max then to Sexy song like "Mirotic" by DBSK (;DD) or "Nobody" by WonderGirls (not really lah); to cutesy songs like "Kissing you" by SNSD, meaningful song like "Into the New World" by SNSD (Again!) or "Stand by Me" by ShiNee; to sad love songs like "Because I'm Stupid" or "Something happen to my heart" both by SS501 (<3) and happy songs like "Dynamite" by AST'1 and also "Heaven" by BigBang (!) or really catchy songs like "Sorry Sorry" by Super Junior.

And is ShinHwa considered Oldschool too? There had been famous for 9 years Oh my godness. I hope DBSK is as famous as them, but they already are anyways. XD

And also, not forgetting their awesome and killing looks! (not that they don't go for plastic, but still!)



























Know who's the last band in the picture? heehee! it's AST'1! and OMG, their songs are really really good! They debuted last year with '1234 Back' and also sang "Yearning of the Heart" for Boys Before Flowers drama! Plus, they just release their first mini album (?!) and there are quite a few songs like "Dynamie", "Not me" and "Why" which are pretty good!

So yeahs, Kpop is cool, addictive, fun, amazing, fantabulous, and the list go on. I don't care if people loves Jonas Brothers or whatever band out there. No offence but they seriously do suck somehow. Boo. At least DBSK got a larger fanbase than them! ;DDD

And my day was superb today. Loads of laughters and joy! hee!
And I really need to run. There's chinese exam on wednesday, which totally ruin my mood when I think of it now. 2hours of sickening comprehension, ahhhh ><

I'm gonna do this quiz.

'If you enjoyed your primary school years, you'll do it.
If you have nothing else to do, you'll do it.
If you're here to read the questions/answers and pretend to hate to do it, deep down you'll still do it.

This tag is so fun because the answers can go on and on.
Read if you miss your PRIMARY school years.

1) Which school did you go to?
Chong Fu Primary School


2) What classes were you in?
1G, 2Respectful, 3Gracious, 4Respectful, 5Sincere, 6Sincere<3

3) What was/were your favourite lesson(s)?
PE<333

4) If you could remember, what time was your recess?
ehhh. 9.10? i only rmb the fighting-for-seats-in-the-hall thing XD


5) List down your favourite food/snacks.
Waffle ;DDD

Style

1) Did you have a nickname way back in primary school?
tons. but only my best friens called me weird ones ;D

2) How did you wear your socks?
normal?

3) Have you been suspended due to the way you put on your uniform?
ahahas. i WAS a prefect lah

4) Were you given plenty of reminders about your appearance?
the time where my hair become super short then it gotten all messy.

5) Who did you look up to when you were in primary school?
eeh. the teachers? u nid look up at them while they teach rite? I was so short laah.

Punishment

1) Name one memorable scene where you were punished in front of the whole class.
the unspeakable. but it's during my pri 5 exam...

2) How many times did you skip class? What were you doing?
nothing lah. except maybe hanging out in the toilets -.-

3) Give one scene where you escaped from being caught/punished.
cheating during exams!

4) Did you vandalize any school property
my table was already vadalized enough for me to vandalize somemore -.-

5) Did you ever make any teacher cry?
SOMEBODY did.

6) Who was your favourite teacher?
Ms Tang ;DDDD

7) Describe your DM.
Niceeee but BIASED -.-

8) Who was the funniest/weirdest/loudest teacher?
ehh, mrs ong, mdm eng, mrs lim (BOOM!)

Social Circle

1) Were you popular back then?
weeeell.

2) Were you in a big group of boys/girls or small ones?
5 besties ;D

3) Who were your best friends?
Nyssa, Wu You, Claudia, Gee Kit, Si Yi

4) Did you and your friends have nicknames?
Totally! We used it to suan each other laah ;DD

5) What were your favourite memories of you and your friends?
hanging out!

Crushes/Lovers

1) Who was your first crush?
SHHHHHHHH!

2) Are you in good terms with your last crush?
ehhhhhh.

3) Did you ever had a relationship with anyone in your primary school?
FRIENDSHIP!

4) Have you ever made out in school?
absolutely not?

Closing Ceremony

1) How did primary school changed you?
it makes me become uglier. boo!

2) Sing one verse of your school song.
我们欢呼，我们歌唱，歌唱我们的崇福
i kena still sing it during assembly in nanyang -.-

3) What was your favourite question?
Who you like arhs. I WAS DAMN Kiasu lah -.-

4) Who/what will you remember from your primary school?
My best friends and 6Sincere <333

5) Any memories you will not forget.
heee. Everything. I still miss CFPS T.T'

And done!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But seriously, something is really wrong with my heart.

I keep thinking about it the whole damn day. It's like something like i-don't-care which becomes bigger and bigger and finally the disappointment and anger exploded inside my heart. Disappointment and anger at myself. I really hated it.

It's like looking back at the old days again. I guess I still couldn't get over it yeahs? I felt jealous. Why are they better than me? What had I not done? But I was not in the position to say anything. It's my choice to pon sessions, my choice to end it, my choice to leave it behind me. I should not complain, because I don't have the ability to consider myself as part of the team. I am not eligible at all.

Then during band, i bottled up those indecent feelings and went too high and eventually became really really tired and quiet. Then i can't concentrate on the rythmns and pieces and pissed everyone off.

And then I felt like crying. It's like I was badly holding back those tears and stuffs. I couldn't speak properly, and I probably looked like a zombie. I thoroughly broke down in the toilet. Okay, not sobbing like some baby, but the tears just flow out and I had absolutely no reason to cry at all! I was at a complete loss.

I don't want to cry over it again. I got nothing to do with it now.

You know, somehow life really sucks. God is fair because the world is unfair.